I had no real concept of how completely stressed I'd become over these past few months. Work mounted higher and faster than my ability to complete it. Frustrations sparked but were quickly silenced, buried, half-smouldering, waiting for an opportunity to flare into life once again.
Relationships with family and friends, co-workers, all became strained, left as they were without the nurturing care needed to sustain them. And here I sat, in the midst of it, numbed into inaction, stifled for fear of letting loose that flood of emotions I had so carefully packed away each time some ugly stress had reared its nasty head.
Blood pressure climbed skyward, as did cholesterol and weight, each vying for the other's attention as if seemingly striving to outdistance the other in mocking protest to my inaction.
Where will it all end, I asked myself? Where?
"With my own demise." came the quiet and steady response.
"My own demise? But why?! I was only trying to do my best, I argued with the voice. Why was I being punished? Wasn't I doing the right thing? Wasn't I working hard enough? Long enough? Wasn't it all about getting the job done? Helping everyone as much as I could?" I continued to whine. The answer came quietly again.
"No. That is not what it is all about. But you haven't realized that yet, have you? You've been so busy "doing" that you've lost sight of the real reason - the truth - of life."
"And what is that?" I asked petulantly, disgusted with myself, yet refusing to concede to the inner truths I knew to be my own.
"L O V E" the voice answered calmly.
The word echoed in my brain.
"Love is the answer. The only answer." the voice continued.
I sat and absorbed the word, letter by letter, soaking in it's strength, it's peace, it's very fiber.
L O V E
I closed my eyes as the letters rolled softly from my heart, through my mouth, out into the world, carried on the whisper of an angel's wings as they floated around my head.
L O V E
It enveloped me, wrapping itself loosely round my face, my soul, quieting my anxious thoughts and fears. Soothing the ache of doubt, erasing all uncertainty. Leaving in its stead the contented sign of acceptance. Of being.
L O V E
L I F E L I V E L O V E
Life's greatest mystery.....Love.
LIVE the LIFE you LOVE!
For His Most Holy Sake I Pray, Amen.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Help Without Judging
The most wonderful thing happened to me this afternoon. I had just finished having lunch with a dear sweet friend, Hiedi, who is such an inspirational person. And it was just what I needed because spiritually speaking, I've been at a low bottom lately. And, as I knew it would, spending time with Hiedi lifted my spirits greatly! What a blessing she is!
So here I was, on Cloud 9 1/2, when I pulled out of the restaurant parking lot and got in line at the traffic light nearby. I was fairly far back but I thought I'd probably make it through. As I was counting the cars ahead of me, I suddenly noticed what I supposed was a "homeless person". I say "homeless" because he was sitting in the grass in the Alabama heat, no shade, with a hand-written cardboard sign held up. I saw most of the words, which read, "returning home broke anything will help". There were other words, but I couldn't make them out.
I sat there, momentarily pulled out of my counting mindset, wondering if I should give him money. I usually don't in this type of situation where someone is outside my car. But we were in broad daylight so I wasn't worried about that particular aspect. "Should I help him?" I asked myself again. I just wasn't certain.
He looked very healthy and clean kept, not at all the "look" of a homeless person, and in the blink of an eye, the thought came to me that he looked healthy enough to be working. Come to think of it, that's what he should be doing right now, I thought, rather than sitting and begging for money! And in those few seconds I primarily made up my mind not to give him anything. But I immediately felt guilty and after feeling so good such a short time ago, I wasn't willing to give it up so easily. So I said to myself, "Fine. I'll leave it up to God. If He wants me to give this man money, it will happen."
Then the light changed and we started forward. But just as I was nearing the front of the line, the light changed back to red and I had to stop - only one car back from the light!
"Great!" I thought to myself. "Now I'll have to sit and look at him!" So I sat there, deliberately looking forward, not making eye contact, hoping the man wouldn't get up and approach me. Then I remembered my thoughts a moment before, about leaving it up to God. And it was at that precise moment that calm, quiet and deliberate words entered my thoughts. "Help without judging."
I realized then what I had to do, so I reached for my purse and pulled out $10.00. I remember thinking I could spare that, and who knew? It just might help. So I rolled down my window and called to him.
"Sir? He got up and walked over to me.
"I've got $10.00." I said, as I put my hand out with the money.
He took it from my hand and thanked me, and I responded with, "Good luck." But I thought to myself, "Ten dollars won't get him very far." Still . . . I felt good about what I did.
Remembering God's words, I said a quick prayer of thanks and made the sign of the Cross as I ended the prayer. It as then that I looked in my rear view mirror. A man in another truck about three vehicles back held out his hand with money in it. The "homeless man" quickly walked back and took the money. Then a lady in a car closer to me also held out her hand with money in it. Again, the "homeless man" walked quickly to retrieve it.
I suddenly felt so humbled, and so thankful, that God had allowed me to be a part of that gift giving. And maybe, just maybe, God allowed me to help others come to that same decision - of helping without judging. In giving, I had indeed received much!
I don't know how much the man was able to leave with, or if he was even "the genuine article". But it really doesn't matter at all. What is important is that God showed me a lovely way of giving, and allowed me to help someone in need. Tears came to my eyes and a lump formed in my throat as the light changed and I started driving again.
God works in mysterious ways! And you never know when you're going to have the pleasure of meeting Him!
For His Sake, Amen
Jan
So here I was, on Cloud 9 1/2, when I pulled out of the restaurant parking lot and got in line at the traffic light nearby. I was fairly far back but I thought I'd probably make it through. As I was counting the cars ahead of me, I suddenly noticed what I supposed was a "homeless person". I say "homeless" because he was sitting in the grass in the Alabama heat, no shade, with a hand-written cardboard sign held up. I saw most of the words, which read, "returning home broke anything will help". There were other words, but I couldn't make them out.
I sat there, momentarily pulled out of my counting mindset, wondering if I should give him money. I usually don't in this type of situation where someone is outside my car. But we were in broad daylight so I wasn't worried about that particular aspect. "Should I help him?" I asked myself again. I just wasn't certain.
He looked very healthy and clean kept, not at all the "look" of a homeless person, and in the blink of an eye, the thought came to me that he looked healthy enough to be working. Come to think of it, that's what he should be doing right now, I thought, rather than sitting and begging for money! And in those few seconds I primarily made up my mind not to give him anything. But I immediately felt guilty and after feeling so good such a short time ago, I wasn't willing to give it up so easily. So I said to myself, "Fine. I'll leave it up to God. If He wants me to give this man money, it will happen."
Then the light changed and we started forward. But just as I was nearing the front of the line, the light changed back to red and I had to stop - only one car back from the light!
"Great!" I thought to myself. "Now I'll have to sit and look at him!" So I sat there, deliberately looking forward, not making eye contact, hoping the man wouldn't get up and approach me. Then I remembered my thoughts a moment before, about leaving it up to God. And it was at that precise moment that calm, quiet and deliberate words entered my thoughts. "Help without judging."
I realized then what I had to do, so I reached for my purse and pulled out $10.00. I remember thinking I could spare that, and who knew? It just might help. So I rolled down my window and called to him.
"Sir? He got up and walked over to me.
"I've got $10.00." I said, as I put my hand out with the money.
He took it from my hand and thanked me, and I responded with, "Good luck." But I thought to myself, "Ten dollars won't get him very far." Still . . . I felt good about what I did.
Remembering God's words, I said a quick prayer of thanks and made the sign of the Cross as I ended the prayer. It as then that I looked in my rear view mirror. A man in another truck about three vehicles back held out his hand with money in it. The "homeless man" quickly walked back and took the money. Then a lady in a car closer to me also held out her hand with money in it. Again, the "homeless man" walked quickly to retrieve it.
I suddenly felt so humbled, and so thankful, that God had allowed me to be a part of that gift giving. And maybe, just maybe, God allowed me to help others come to that same decision - of helping without judging. In giving, I had indeed received much!
I don't know how much the man was able to leave with, or if he was even "the genuine article". But it really doesn't matter at all. What is important is that God showed me a lovely way of giving, and allowed me to help someone in need. Tears came to my eyes and a lump formed in my throat as the light changed and I started driving again.
God works in mysterious ways! And you never know when you're going to have the pleasure of meeting Him!
For His Sake, Amen
Jan
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
In The Proverbial Rut
I'm still a little hesitant when it comes to"baring my soul" in a blog, especially concerning spiritual matters, and most especially when those spiritual matters are my own! But that's the very reason why I've decided to go ahead with this post. I very much believe that all things happen for a reason, and that God speaks to us and makes Himself known to us through a variety of ways, some that we understand and some that we don't even realize. So perhaps God will give me my answer here, because nothing is beyond God - of that, I am completely certain.
It involves that old proverbial rut, which my spiritual life has been in for quite some time now, probably for most of this current year. As I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking of this rut and picturing its cool, smooth walls of warm brown mud towering over my head, in front of and behind me. The wall was damp to the touch and I remember thinking how cool and soothing it was. Protective. I thought of how much I wanted to stay here; it was so calm, so non-threatening, so undemanding. Peaceful. And this is how my spirit life has been for some time.
I haven't been to church for some months now. I know I should be going; I simply do NOT want to. I know it's definitely what is expected of me - as a Christian, as a mother and daughter, as a wife and grandmother. But that doesn't make the wanting of it any easier to attain. I simply do not want to go there.
I pray daily, several times a day even, though I know that isn't enough. But still - I pray. I ask God why. Why is it so hard to want to go to church? Shouldn't it be second nature to us? After all, we are made in God's image. I've read somewhere - perhaps it was a Bible study lesson - that part of us (we humans) search out God and we're not satisfied until we find Him. Nothing "second best" will do. Only the peace and love of God will satisfy this timeless urge of ours, this inner craving. But if that's the case, why is it so difficult to want to go to church?
I've been slowly developing a bit of theory for this, though of course I'm not at all sure it's worthwhile. Still.....it's mine and it's what I've been leaning toward more and more. It's this - "church" as we generally know it is made up of God's people. And God's people are full of error, sin, and so forth - including yours truly of course. So is it this that I'm wanting to stay away from? Is it the human factor that I'm having difficulty with? Quite frankly, the idea of visiting a shrine or a deserted church, or even a graveyard, seems inviting to me. But not "going to church".
I have no problem being around God, asking for God's presence and certainly asking for His help and His patience. It's the individuals with all their "human ways" that I'm tired of. I deal with them at work, all day long, five days a week. Then there are the usual issues at home in the evenings, including being a full-time parent and grandparent right now. Don't get me wrong; I wouldn't have this any other way (other than having Laura be here herself as the parent). It's just that it takes all my extra time and - more importantly - all my energy for this role.
So perhaps - just perhaps - this is what God is telling me He's okay with. It isn't necessarily what He wants for all times, but for now He's okay with it. God is okay with me, Jan Fursdon. He knows what I'm going through and He's holding me up and carrying me through it.
Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Holy Spirit.
For His Sake I Pray. Amen.
It involves that old proverbial rut, which my spiritual life has been in for quite some time now, probably for most of this current year. As I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking of this rut and picturing its cool, smooth walls of warm brown mud towering over my head, in front of and behind me. The wall was damp to the touch and I remember thinking how cool and soothing it was. Protective. I thought of how much I wanted to stay here; it was so calm, so non-threatening, so undemanding. Peaceful. And this is how my spirit life has been for some time.
I haven't been to church for some months now. I know I should be going; I simply do NOT want to. I know it's definitely what is expected of me - as a Christian, as a mother and daughter, as a wife and grandmother. But that doesn't make the wanting of it any easier to attain. I simply do not want to go there.
I pray daily, several times a day even, though I know that isn't enough. But still - I pray. I ask God why. Why is it so hard to want to go to church? Shouldn't it be second nature to us? After all, we are made in God's image. I've read somewhere - perhaps it was a Bible study lesson - that part of us (we humans) search out God and we're not satisfied until we find Him. Nothing "second best" will do. Only the peace and love of God will satisfy this timeless urge of ours, this inner craving. But if that's the case, why is it so difficult to want to go to church?
I've been slowly developing a bit of theory for this, though of course I'm not at all sure it's worthwhile. Still.....it's mine and it's what I've been leaning toward more and more. It's this - "church" as we generally know it is made up of God's people. And God's people are full of error, sin, and so forth - including yours truly of course. So is it this that I'm wanting to stay away from? Is it the human factor that I'm having difficulty with? Quite frankly, the idea of visiting a shrine or a deserted church, or even a graveyard, seems inviting to me. But not "going to church".
I have no problem being around God, asking for God's presence and certainly asking for His help and His patience. It's the individuals with all their "human ways" that I'm tired of. I deal with them at work, all day long, five days a week. Then there are the usual issues at home in the evenings, including being a full-time parent and grandparent right now. Don't get me wrong; I wouldn't have this any other way (other than having Laura be here herself as the parent). It's just that it takes all my extra time and - more importantly - all my energy for this role.
So perhaps - just perhaps - this is what God is telling me He's okay with. It isn't necessarily what He wants for all times, but for now He's okay with it. God is okay with me, Jan Fursdon. He knows what I'm going through and He's holding me up and carrying me through it.
Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Holy Spirit.
For His Sake I Pray. Amen.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Confusing Times
I'm not sure exactly what I'll write, but I felt the need to write so here I am. Actually, I'm a little unnerved due to an e-mail I read awhile ago. I haven't checked with Snopes or any of those other places concerning the validity of the article, which sounds absurd, as if one could actually check the validity of anything these days. Nothing makes sense; everything goes and trust is an unknown.
Goodness, I sound morose, so perhaps I shouldn't write. But I've started now, so I'll continue - at least for the time being. Back to the article. Its written by a man named Dr. David Kaiser and the title of the e-mail is "What if he's right?" Dr. Kaiser, a "respected historian" the introduction informs us, writes about the coming downfall of our great nation if we continue on the roller coaster path we've made for ourselves, especially during the past two years under the current Obama administration. Dr. Kaiser makes a compelling argument, if the article is to be believed, and a compelling comparison between the United States now and Germany as it was on the brink of World War II under Adolf Hitler.
Yes, I know. I know. It's silly to compare the two; at least that's what I've been told by some of my liberal acquaintances. Well, perhaps it is. Then again, perhaps it isn't. Remember - what if he is right? Then what?
I won't go into the details of the article, but I do advise everyone to search it out and read it for themselves. Make your own decisions about what you read - after you do your research of course.
Naturally, the e-mail ends with advice to send the message to everyone in my e-mail address book. I'm not sure what good that will do, as the people I'd consider sending it to are, I believe, of the same mindset that I am.
I don't want to "sit around and do nothing" while this great nation of ours goes down the tubes. And I have to admit that the picture of America today is not one I am proud of. Rather, it is a picture that makes me fearful. It's a picture that disturbs me deep inside my gut. What if he's right? And if he is, what do I do? What can I do?
I've already read reports of the staggering amounts of money being spent on the upcoming election campaign. And money most definitely talks, especially in this world we live in. You have only to listen to the news to see this. I remember years ago I read an article or saw a documentary about Walter Cronkite, in which he was given credit as stating that one should never be able to tell what political party a journalist belonged to. They were to report the news exactly as it was, rather than give it their own political spin. And yet I have only to turn to any news channel and within a moment or two, I believe I can accurately report which political party the speaker belongs to. So the old adage "seeing is believing" has flown out the window.
So we're back to the same question as before. What if he's right? And then my own question, quickly and anxiously following, what can I do?
Dear Father, what can I do - other than pray?
And so I pray.
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For Thou art the Kingdom and the Power and the Glory
Forever and ever.
Amen.
For His Sake, I am but one.
But I am one.
I cannot do everything,
but I can do something.
What I can do, I ought to do.
What I ought to do,
by the grace of God I will do.
Lord - what will you have me do?
Amen.
Goodness, I sound morose, so perhaps I shouldn't write. But I've started now, so I'll continue - at least for the time being. Back to the article. Its written by a man named Dr. David Kaiser and the title of the e-mail is "What if he's right?" Dr. Kaiser, a "respected historian" the introduction informs us, writes about the coming downfall of our great nation if we continue on the roller coaster path we've made for ourselves, especially during the past two years under the current Obama administration. Dr. Kaiser makes a compelling argument, if the article is to be believed, and a compelling comparison between the United States now and Germany as it was on the brink of World War II under Adolf Hitler.
Yes, I know. I know. It's silly to compare the two; at least that's what I've been told by some of my liberal acquaintances. Well, perhaps it is. Then again, perhaps it isn't. Remember - what if he is right? Then what?
I won't go into the details of the article, but I do advise everyone to search it out and read it for themselves. Make your own decisions about what you read - after you do your research of course.
Naturally, the e-mail ends with advice to send the message to everyone in my e-mail address book. I'm not sure what good that will do, as the people I'd consider sending it to are, I believe, of the same mindset that I am.
I don't want to "sit around and do nothing" while this great nation of ours goes down the tubes. And I have to admit that the picture of America today is not one I am proud of. Rather, it is a picture that makes me fearful. It's a picture that disturbs me deep inside my gut. What if he's right? And if he is, what do I do? What can I do?
I've already read reports of the staggering amounts of money being spent on the upcoming election campaign. And money most definitely talks, especially in this world we live in. You have only to listen to the news to see this. I remember years ago I read an article or saw a documentary about Walter Cronkite, in which he was given credit as stating that one should never be able to tell what political party a journalist belonged to. They were to report the news exactly as it was, rather than give it their own political spin. And yet I have only to turn to any news channel and within a moment or two, I believe I can accurately report which political party the speaker belongs to. So the old adage "seeing is believing" has flown out the window.
So we're back to the same question as before. What if he's right? And then my own question, quickly and anxiously following, what can I do?
Dear Father, what can I do - other than pray?
And so I pray.
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For Thou art the Kingdom and the Power and the Glory
Forever and ever.
Amen.
For His Sake, I am but one.
But I am one.
I cannot do everything,
but I can do something.
What I can do, I ought to do.
What I ought to do,
by the grace of God I will do.
Lord - what will you have me do?
Amen.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Christian in Training!
Greetings from a fellow Christian trying to follow God's will! I was reading from Matthew, a tax collector for the Roman Government and one of only 12 disciples personally chosen by Jesus.
How like God to do the unexpected! Matthew - despised by Jews and very likely viewed by the Romans themselves as a traitor to his own people - is actually called by Jesus to "Follow me." No mention is made of any hesitation on Matthew's part. No explanations or details are offered by Jesus. Matthew simply gets up and follows. What amazing faith!
Have you ever felt "called" by God to do something, but you just knew you weren't qualified to do it? Or you felt it just wasn't something you could do, or even should do? I certainly have, and this devotional is living proof of it! Talk about getting out of your comfort zone!! After all, who am I to write devotionals about God? Yet the more I tried to ignore Him, the louder God spoke and the more often He repeated Himself (yes.....I hear God's voice.....especially when I listen for it!)
So here I am - a novice - writing to you of my thoughts about being a Christian, of my own struggles trying to follow what I believe God wants me to do, and praying He will use me in some small way you may find helpful. Trusting Him.....regardless of my own misgivings, my own insecurities, and my own fears.
Lord, what will You have me do? "Write! Tell them of Me. Tell them how I've come into your life and offered you the Kingdom of Heaven."
And so I write. Thanks be to God!
For His Sake,
Jan Fursdon
How like God to do the unexpected! Matthew - despised by Jews and very likely viewed by the Romans themselves as a traitor to his own people - is actually called by Jesus to "Follow me." No mention is made of any hesitation on Matthew's part. No explanations or details are offered by Jesus. Matthew simply gets up and follows. What amazing faith!
Have you ever felt "called" by God to do something, but you just knew you weren't qualified to do it? Or you felt it just wasn't something you could do, or even should do? I certainly have, and this devotional is living proof of it! Talk about getting out of your comfort zone!! After all, who am I to write devotionals about God? Yet the more I tried to ignore Him, the louder God spoke and the more often He repeated Himself (yes.....I hear God's voice.....especially when I listen for it!)
So here I am - a novice - writing to you of my thoughts about being a Christian, of my own struggles trying to follow what I believe God wants me to do, and praying He will use me in some small way you may find helpful. Trusting Him.....regardless of my own misgivings, my own insecurities, and my own fears.
Lord, what will You have me do? "Write! Tell them of Me. Tell them how I've come into your life and offered you the Kingdom of Heaven."
And so I write. Thanks be to God!
For His Sake,
Jan Fursdon
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Beginnings for a New Year - 2011
I've never been one to write down resolutions for any new year. To me, that just seems to be an invitation for things to go wrong. But as each new year approaches, I often feel hopefulness welling up inside me. A chance to start over, to begin again, something God affords Christians most graciously.
I love the month of January. I have for as long as I can remember. Perhaps because I was born in January, I decided to make the best of what some refer to as the worst month of the year. But perhaps there’s another reason, a better reason.
January is a new beginning. All the crazy hustle and bustle of the holiday season has quieted down, packed away for another year. Schedules are suddenly less crammed with everything we think we must accomplish. Dispositions are calmer, less prone to the extremes that only a few weeks ago would have been far different. Rooms have been cleared of the beautiful clutter that, after a time, seemed to stifle. One can almost hear an audible sigh of relief. Aaaahhhh. January is here. We can relax a little now. Now we have a little more time.
More time? New time? Second chances? Yes, all these things - and more - are possible in January, a month that heralds in all other months, each one full of new possibilities. January is God’s promise that He hasn’t given up on us; won’t give up on us – ever. He allows us to try again, and He’s with us – once again – come January.
There are those who say January is a cold, bleak month. Certainly our recent weather attests to that. But look further, deeper. Life is burgeoning just under the surface; gathering strength, replenishing reserves before a renewed burst of growth come Spring.
The Christ Child, born in December, comes alive in January - growing, becoming wiser, learning. All too soon Lent will be upon us. But for now, we have January. All is well.
Rest – in Him. Gain peace – in Him. Breathe – in Him. Live – in Him.
For His Sake. Amen.
Jan Fursdon
I love the month of January. I have for as long as I can remember. Perhaps because I was born in January, I decided to make the best of what some refer to as the worst month of the year. But perhaps there’s another reason, a better reason.
January is a new beginning. All the crazy hustle and bustle of the holiday season has quieted down, packed away for another year. Schedules are suddenly less crammed with everything we think we must accomplish. Dispositions are calmer, less prone to the extremes that only a few weeks ago would have been far different. Rooms have been cleared of the beautiful clutter that, after a time, seemed to stifle. One can almost hear an audible sigh of relief. Aaaahhhh. January is here. We can relax a little now. Now we have a little more time.
More time? New time? Second chances? Yes, all these things - and more - are possible in January, a month that heralds in all other months, each one full of new possibilities. January is God’s promise that He hasn’t given up on us; won’t give up on us – ever. He allows us to try again, and He’s with us – once again – come January.
There are those who say January is a cold, bleak month. Certainly our recent weather attests to that. But look further, deeper. Life is burgeoning just under the surface; gathering strength, replenishing reserves before a renewed burst of growth come Spring.
The Christ Child, born in December, comes alive in January - growing, becoming wiser, learning. All too soon Lent will be upon us. But for now, we have January. All is well.
Rest – in Him. Gain peace – in Him. Breathe – in Him. Live – in Him.
For His Sake. Amen.
Jan Fursdon
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Life Isn't Fair
What a strange world I live in. I sit here in my lovely, very well appointed (if entirely too messy) living room, reading a book (a true story) about how a 35-year-old woman finds love and balance - yes, and sex - half way around the world, in Bali of all places. I wonder at the cruelty and the greed of this world as I hold on to my prayer beads and look hard at the Crucifix on the end, trying to figure out a little more about life than I already know. There is no answer of course. No answer per se, other than it is the journey, not the destination, that is the thing - the one thing - we must do correctly.
I think of how spoiled I am and how frivolous I've become, utterly extravagant, letting money spill through my fingers as if grown on those trees in my own back yard. And I wonder how it all came to pass - my being in this ridiculous, cheapened state when the vast majority of the world is going without - without food, without clothes, without freedom, without education, without life.
No, life isn't fair. Not at all.
Jan Fursdon
I think of how spoiled I am and how frivolous I've become, utterly extravagant, letting money spill through my fingers as if grown on those trees in my own back yard. And I wonder how it all came to pass - my being in this ridiculous, cheapened state when the vast majority of the world is going without - without food, without clothes, without freedom, without education, without life.
No, life isn't fair. Not at all.
Jan Fursdon
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